To Have And To Hold

“I just want to be left alone!” I yelled. I hung up, and threw the phone across the room. I ran to my bed, and fell onto it, a full stream of tears already reaching my chin. I held my bear tight, its  beady eyes bulging out as I had a strangling grip on the stuffed animal. Any tighter and I would have put it out of its misery. 

I loosened my grasp, and drew it closer, as I sat cross-legged in the center of my bed. My sobs softened into quiet cries, as I pleaded for mercy from a universe I did not understand. The pain needed to go away. I brushed the white, satiny fur on the top of its head all in one direction, then roughed it up, so I could repeat the process all over again. I was stuck. I had five dollars to my name, my own car, and that was it. 

I slid into my short boots and grabbed my keys, wiping my face with the back of my hand. I got into my car, started the engine, then looked into my rear-view mirror. I cleared away the smeared eyeliner with a tissue, and brushed hair away from my face. Maybe if I was prettier I wouldn’t have these problems. I turned up the rock music on the radio, and left my driveway. I immediately saw a homeless woman holding up a sign asking for money at the nearest stoplight. I imagined I was in her shoes, poor and destitute, with zero prospects. I wept as I drove past her, watching her become the size of a Lego girl as the distance between us increased.

My eyes turned back to the road in time to see a sedan turn left in front of me. Their car hit my right headlight, pushing my car into oncoming traffic. Horns honked and brakes screeched as I spun around twice, and was hit from behind. My car finally stopped moving, and I turned down the stereo volume. The sirens and lights approached my vehicle from behind and in front, cornering me on all sides, as though I were a criminal still on the scene. I unbuckled my seat belt, and sighed heavily. Now I really can’t go anywhere. I inched my car to the side of the road, its tail still sticking out into traffic, and stood on the sidewalk, waiting to talk to the men in blue. The tow-truck eventually pulled up, hooked my car to its rear, and dragged my car to their lot, where it sat untouched for three days. 

***

“Why do you need my car?” My roommate asked, as he stirred his coffee. It always irritated me how he would bang his spoon against the side of his mug. Today he did it twice. 

“I want to go see a friend. Can I borrow it this afternoon?” I stared at him, intently reading his every move.

“I have to go into work. Sorry, not today.” He walked out of the room before I could speak another sentence. I sat at the table in the kitchen, eyeing the mid-century vacation poster for Hawaii on an otherwise blank white wall. The crisp, turquoise color of the beach surrounding the island settled my nerves. The volcano erupting in the background reminded me even the world at large is not as kind as I would have wished for. 

As I continued to focus on the framed artwork, I noticed an image of a woman appear on the sandy shore, lying on a hammock held up by two coconut palm trees. Her long, straight black hair lightly brushed against her collarbone, and her leopard-print bikini barely covered her breasts. Her body dribbled sweat as the high humidity and unforgiving noonday sun overtook her. Yet she remained blissfully unaware resting in her hiding place. Another woman came into view, swimming in from the ocean, in a modest yet well-fitted black swimsuit. At the shore, she stood on her feet, and walked in the sand towards the hammock. She took her towel, and after wrapping herself in it, leaned over and kissed the woman on the lips. She squeezed in next to her lengthwise, wrestling as she found her spot where she could rest in the shade. She removed part of her towel, covering the leopard-clad woman with half of it, their legs exposed, and visibly intertwined. I stared as they held each other tightly, quietly amazed. They fit together so perfectly. 

“Lucky for you, sweetheart, I don’t need to go in today. You can use the car after lunch. Just don’t wreck it, like you did the other one.” He threw me the keys without notice, causing me to miss the catch and pick them up off the floor. “I need you back by five. I’d like to have dinner ready before my evening meeting. You promise?”

“I promise.” I walked towards the door, but the force of his hands interrupted my stride. He grabbed onto my waist and turned me around. He held me close, kissing me on the forehead. ‘You’re such an amazing woman. What would I do without you?”

I looked around, then back at him. “I think you’d do just fine.”  ⚢