Cold Hands, Warm Heart

 

 

I eyed her through the peephole with precision and wariness. She stood there, her upper body shivering and swaying back and forth. The early winter sun was suspended barely above the evergreen treetops, and cardinals rushed to their nests as the weather turned from sleet to snow. The ice on the road was clear as glass, and the four-wheeler passing by slowed to a near-stop as squirrels ran across the street, and climbed into an adjacent tree.

I breathed deeply, and cracked the door just enough to make eye contact. “Can I help you?”

She coughed, and hugged herself tightly. “I need a place to stay.”

“Are you okay?” My facial expression softened, as I released the chain on the door, and opened it wider. Her head bobbed erratically, and her eyes rolled back, as I grabbed her wrist. She looked straight at me, and collapsed on my front porch, her head barely missing the concrete. I held her up under her arms, and dragged her inside, kicking the door closed with my right boot.

I pulled her into my living room, across the wooden floor, and onto the wide hearth rug. I took a pillow from the couch, propping up her head, and covered her with the multi-colored throw that draped the back of the gray sofa. Her eyes were closed, and her countenance faced the flame lighting up the fireplace. The orange glow made her appear as though she were an earth-bound angel, resting her wings between her flights of mercy. The fire crackled and popped, and the dog stirred in his sleep. I stood over her, staring at her presence, as worried thoughts circulated in my head. As though reading my mind, she shifted her cold body, turning to her right side. She heaved a heavy sigh, and settled into a sideways pose and a long overdue rest.

I took the other pillow, put it behind my head, and laid back on the couch. Where did she come from? I thought. And why did she land on my front porch? And who in their right mind would be out in this weather? Schools had already closed for the following three days, due to the blizzard warnings. It was only a matter of a few hours before the snow would pick up. I stared at the ceiling, watching the cobwebs dangle from an impossible breeding spot. They were so good at reminding me I was not the greatest housekeeper.

As she slept on the floor and I sipped my peppermint tea, I realized she was going to be here for a while. I closed my eyes, hoping to dream for a while. Ash snored in the corner of the room on his bed, as I hovered on the threshold of profound awareness.

***

Her yawn startled me awake, as I was abruptly reminded that a homeless woman was in my home. She sat up, and immediately started shivering again. I snagged another blanket off the other couch, and kneeled behind her, gently covering her shoulders and neck with it. She looked up at me with kindness in her eyes. “Thank you,” she said, pulling it tightly around herself. She faced the fireplace, rubbing her hands together and blowing warm air on them.

“You slept a long time. Can I get you anything?” Her eyes were a deep cobalt blue, and it seemed when I looked at them that I somehow knew her.

“Just a glass of cold water, please. Thank you so much! I just want to thank you for letting me in your house tonight. I had been to every house on this block, but everyone else basically slammed the door on me. Your generosity means so much to me.” Her beautiful, warm eyes welled up with tears. “I’ll never understand how people can be so cruel.”

Same, I thought to myself. I handed her a glass of water, barely touching her fingertips in the exchange. I went back to grab my cup, and sat down next to her on the rug. She was dressed in denim, and had a ragged sweater on that attracted dust and dog hair easily. Her face gave her age away, as she looked about as old as I was. “So, tell me,” I said, pausing for a sip, “what’s your story? I mean, why were you running around out there in this mess? It’s freezing.” I wrapped my own hands around my mug.

“I have nowhere to go. No family in the area, no friends at all. The shelter I normally stay at is maxed out tonight. I left to try to get some money and by the time I got back, they had no room for me. Of course, all the churches are closed and the cops don’t care enough to do anything. So here I am.” The condensation was beading up on the outside of her glass, a sure sign the room was getting too warm for the both of us. I offered her more ice, which she politely refused.

“Are you from around here?” I asked.

“Yes,” she replied. taking another long sip. “I grew up here, and remained in the area because the weather was decent and work was easy to find. But about two years ago, my fiance kicked me out of his apartment, and a week later, I ended up losing my job. I haven’t been able to find work or a place to live since.” Her eyes teared up again. “He’s off enjoying his life now with his new wife and newborn, while I’m just barely getting by. The injustice is real.” She set her glass down, and buried her head in her hands.

I gently patted her shoulder. “You know, you nearly hit your head on the ground outside, when you passed out on my front porch. I don’t mean to pry, but I’m concerned you may need medical help, and I’m not a doctor.”

“No, don’t worry. I’m not on anything. I was extremely wiped out, after walking for miles today trying to get money for food and shelter. I kept getting turned away everywhere I went. It’s just useless. Nobody cares about me anymore.” She looked at the fireplace just in time to watch the last log catch fire.

My heart swelled with empathy. Images flashed through my mind as though it were flipping through a photo album. The one of me in a white dress saying “I do” emerged first. It was followed by the memory of being in the hospital with my fourth child. Then the image of standing at the foot of my mother’s grave, reminding me I was truly alone for the first time in my life. I was parentless and with no one except a husband who didn’t know how to love and ultimately stay by my side through thick and thin. My heart melted, as I instantly understood her. Though we were vastly different, there was much we had in common. “You said you hadn’t eaten, right? I have some beef stew I made yesterday. Would you like some?”

“That sounds wonderful, yes, I would.” Her hands shook fiercely as she brought her glass to her chapped lips.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been indoors for three hours, and you’re still shaking.” I assertively took the glass from her hands, and set it on the edge of the fireplace. I held her by both of her wrists, and turned her hands palms up. They were damp and deep red and seemed frosty to the core. Her fingers curled up at their tips, as though grasping something present yet invisible.

I looked into her eyes, and instantly felt her pain. The pain of all she had experienced and the pain of being misunderstood. I put her hands together, as though in prayer, and enveloped with my own. My hands, though slightly chilled, warmed hers enough to dispel what remained of her reaction to the cold, winter weather outside. I closed my eyes, and held her for what seemed like eternity, as the quiet music hummed in my living space. They continued to shake, yet as I persisted, her visible discomfort slowly ground to a halt as I held the space for her need to be warm and loved. As I remained in this contemplative state, I recalled a dream I’d had where this exact thing was happening. It was destiny finding its way to my home, for sure.

The sound of water lapping entered our ears, causing both of us to open our eyes. Ash was drinking from the glass on the fireplace. We both laughed. “Do you feel better? I’m happy to help you anyway you need it.” I released my grip from her, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.

“I feel so much better. You’re a life-saver, for sure. I’d really like some of that soup now, if you still want to offer me some.”

“Absolutely! And I’ll get you a clean glass, too. Some of us don’t understand boundaries, as you can see!” I looked at Ash, and smiled.

She laughed, and gave him a soft pat on the head. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you? I sure hope I get to see more of you!”

I smiled, as I stirred the pot with my wooden spoon. I looked at her, and thought the same.  ⚢