If Not Now, When?

I just recently realized I have ADHD.

This explains why I am able to focus on creativity projects, especially the creating part, but it also explains, in my mind, why I am not able to focus on editing a book project so it can be published.

This has been such a big issue for me lately. If you ask me to write a poem or story, I’ll likely be able to sit down and do it as soon as possible.

But if I have a project looming over my head, with NO deadline, it will just sit on or near my desk forever.

I honestly don’t know how long I can let this project just sit. I feel like my project manager at Authorhouse is tired of dealing with me and my perennial procrastination.

I had discovered the Pomodoro technique a few weeks ago, which was helpful, and allowed me to apply myself using a novel approach.

But, of course, this novelty wore off. And now I’m back where I started. Full of hope and potential, yet ending my days with frustration and limited self-acceptance over my “faults.”

Sometimes I think I’m afraid of success, and sometimes I think I just can’t apply myself. Probably both. But given the self-publishing process is incredibly flexible (probably too much so), it’s harder to make me do something if it doesn’t need to be done. Right away.

This is where I need help.

I sat down at my computer to “Pomodoro” my book project, and decided instead to write about my struggles. It is a major struggle. I have spent most of my life deciding what needed to be done, and in most cases, getting it done. I almost always had some sort of incentive driving me.

But now that I am alone, with only one kid at home right now (other two on vacation), I thought to myself this was the perfect time, given it was summer, and nothing else was really grabbing my attention, that I could focus on this.

But, still, my mind cannot focus on this. It is terribly frustrating. I just have one more round of corrections to go, and then that’s it. But the push to finalize this is not motivating me.

I really need help. I cannot have this project on my mental to-do list forever. I need prayers. I need advice. I need to connect with someone who understands this challenge, and has pushed through successfully.

So, today, I am not posting any creative writing. And it’s not because I don’t have anything, in fact, I’ve got two poems to share. I wanted to share what was going on with me, and if anyone out there had any help to offer me. Anything.

I am going to figure out a plan of action that works for me and my schedule, in due time.

Hopefully sooner rather than later.